He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
