No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
pray to the hookup gods
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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