i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
