What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
high people should be assigned attendants
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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