We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I need a burrito and a hug.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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