Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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