the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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