i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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