i wish there were pregnant emoticons
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Your penis caused this!
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