if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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