Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
There's even glitter on my cock...
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