Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
