I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
