I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
