you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
