dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
