eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
In America we eat man semen.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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