so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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