Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
