Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize