You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
