I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize