Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize