Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
