so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize