Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
