I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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