i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
