i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
