Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
tell me about the eggs
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
