Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
