Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
