i just wanna soil my oats bro
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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