he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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