i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
