Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
