theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
