my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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