u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
