I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
