Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
