if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
