ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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