some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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