i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
