By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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