I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
