garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I puked a lego.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
