wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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