Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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