i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
