I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Randomize
