his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
