doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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