What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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