who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize