your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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