worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
