how can u be prego again
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
