New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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