i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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