i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
