Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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