im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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