I cockslap morals
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
