So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
