Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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