my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
