Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
