We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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