I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize