Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
