I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
