yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
