i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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