don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
