Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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