mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
only you would photoshop your dick
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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