OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
