the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
