you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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