I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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