He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
