I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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