You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
