I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
