it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize