the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
