How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
