She's JV to your varsity
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
