I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
