I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
