i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
