Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
