remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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