You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
