I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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