went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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